I’m pretty disturbed, ya’ll.
I had an experience a couple days ago that I can’t shake. It has shifted my psyche. My world is a bit different now.
I invited a guy friend over to smoke. We have hung out briefly before and established that he has a girlfriend. We chilled and talked but as he was leaving he attempted to get me in bed. Fucking typical.
Let me just leave a side note here: PLATONIC RELATIONSHIPS DON’T EXIST IN MY WORLD. NO MATTER HOW HARD I TRY. I END UP LOOKING IGNORANT.
So. I asked for clarification: “You still have a girlfriend, don’t you?”
He said yes.
I said, “Well let me take this opportunity to ask you…what is missing from your current relationship that would make you want to cheat on her?”
“Nothing I’m actually really happy and we have sex all the time.”
“So you’re perfectly happy, but you still want to cheat?”
“You’re just so fucking sexy”
I don’t know what kind of human you are reading this, but instead of throwing him in my bed, I started crying. I was so sad that the concept of monogamy was being destroyed in my mind. Personally, I am not the type to crave a variety of sexual experiences. All I want is an emotional connection with someone that I can enhance with sex. I don’t fuck randos to satisfy “an urge”. That doesn’t even make sense to me. If I don’t feel a connection, and you offer me sex, I literally think of you as a dirty stranger.
He made a case for polyamory, which he seems to support fully. But cheating in secret is NOT polyamory. Polyamory requires TRUST most of all. Lying ruins trust. He just wanted to fuck.
I was legitimately heartbroken in tears and I made him leave.
I was crying for his girlfriend. I was crying because I COULD HAVE just fucked him and passed on the guilt. But I kept feeling like his girlfriend is like my sister. I don’t even know her. Yes, that would make it easier to betray her, but that’s what also makes it so awful. I couldn’t knowingly enable his cheating.
No. Just no.
I understand not everyone prefers monogamy. But it is a value of mine. If you want to sleep around, just be single. Don’t hurt anyone. Don’t keep secrets. Own your sexual practices. Be responsible.
On the real:
Why would ANYONE knowingly have sex with someone who is cheating on their partner? First, you’d be fucking someone you know for a fact is a cheater. Nothing can grow from that. You’d never be able to consider being in a relationship with that person, because you know he’s a lying cheater. You would be GIFTING a terrible person. Pretty much everyone loses in the end.
I felt like I had just witnessed the ugly truth of what men do behind closed doors. I felt like, “this is what they ALL do?” Even if they are HAPPY????? What’s the fucking point in ever expecting loyalty? They’re just going to lie.”
If there are any guys out there that are disgusted by cheating and prefer monogamy, I’d love to know that they aren’t all like that.
My trust is ruined. Oh well.