Effective Responses to Idiots

If people try to pull off my underwear or shove a dollar into my crotch to cop a feel:

“Did you ask for consent to touch me there?”

Filming anything in the strip club is illegal. When I catch someone filming me:

“Filming is illegal. If I wanted to do porn, I’d make way more money than this. You have to delete it.”  (Usually I snatch the phone out of their hands and delete it myself- other girls will break the phone completely.)

When people smack my ass without permission, I hold out my hand and say:

“Did you ask for consent to touch me there? I accept apologies in the form of money.”

When customers pawn off their uninterested friend for a lap dance:

“I take willing customers only.”

When they ask for my real name after I tell them my stage name:

“If you want to get personal you should buy my time for an hour and I’ll tell you everything.”

When people ask me for drugs:

“Sorry officer, I can’t help you.”

When they ask what I’m doing after work:

“Showering, eating, and sleeping peacefully with my dog.”

When customers get too handsy I grab their wrists like a child and place them off of me. If they don’t take the hint and continue being handsy, I forfeit their money and give attention to someone else.

Tonight I was asked by two dudes to give them a tandem lap dance. One of the dudes was squeezing me forcibly between his legs and trying to reach into my crotch. The other was a gentleman. Despite that, I dismissed them both and forfeited the lap dance 30 seconds in. I simply stood up waved them off and said “you’re dismissed”. I apologized to the sweetheart that was a gentleman but explained I don’t play that way.

Play by my rules or I will refuse to serve you. Guess what? Forfeiting the money of idiots only streamlines the money I earn from respectful patrons. AKA: I don’t need your money- I’ll take his instead.


Author: idancebymagnolia

Join me in my 2nd year as a stripper in Denver to see how a 26 year old exotic dancer pays off student loans.

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