It is 9:22 AM on Tuesday and I’m already fully pissed off by two different people. The first was a photographer, @coloradovisions2016 on Instagram, who contacted me on Monday asking me to do a paid photoshoot the same day with hours notice. After we properly rescheduled for a shoot at his house for Wednesday, he then proceeded to go to my job, Shotgun Willies, that same night and asked me for a lap dance. This was all over text, as I was home sleeping. I was not working that night. I told him I don’t really cross those paths. I don’t allow photographers to get lap dances from me. It’s just not professional. So he then over text said I’m canceling our photo shoot he said “fuck ya.”
But anyway the second person to piss me off was my ex Jesse. He began adding me on my social media and then proceeded to post a photo of us with a heartfelt note to me on our old joint account. I then told him to delete that account and to fuck off.
But then it made me start thinking about things I’m sitting here smoking a bowl reflecting on what has just happened. I need to write this down because this is very important for every woman that may be in my position to know. I have to share this information with you because this applies to us all.
I put 100% of myself into three separate relationships. I was fully committed and fully in love; head over heels. I did that three times in a row. Each time I was in a relationship something important in my own life was struggling- whether it was school or my career. That is a clear message that I have to focus on myself for a long time to make up for lost time. I must only do things that I want to do at any given moment. Not one more decision will be made by another person in my life. I decide everything. No conversation exists where I say,
“I wanted to do this but my boyfriend said he wanted to do that so we decided to compromise and we’re going to do what he wants this time and maybe will do what I want next time.”
Like, no. Relationships slow down my life and I can’t allow room for that anymore. I have to fill out my entire life with myself. I’ve been neglecting myself for these men. Three relationships in a row equals a decade, girl. I see my girl Delaney over here 20 years old killing it (she’s a rapper just wait till her album drops) and I know I was that passionate at her age; I just didn’t have the confidence. I believed it was unrealistic around unreasonable to believe that I could achieve certain things. I’m behind about a decade, behind but it’s OK because I’m going to succeed no matter what. Timing is divine, you know.
But to the ladies out there, I want to say: pay attention to the patterns in your life. Have some self-reflection and treat yourself like your own best friend. If you would in your head treat your best friend better than you would treat yourself, something is wrong. The way that you would treat your best friend is the way that you should treat yourself at all times. The advice that you would give to your best friend about a guy that made her cry is the same advice that you should give yourself about that guy you’re crying about.
In the almost 4 months that I’ve been single, my career has finally started to blossom and gain momentum. But most importantly, I can say no to a man and still be powerful.
💋Amanda Sophia // MissMagnolia